Krause Funeral Homes Blog

Maureen C. writes, "I have often wondered about the condolences one might send via the computer. During their acute time of grief, family members might not feel able to go online and read correspondence and thus would miss the thoughtful messages from friends."

As each website handles this differently, it is recommended that you check the specific website’s policy. Families whose loved ones are entrusted to Krause Funeral Homes are given hard copies of condolence notes, as part of a remembrance memorial package. Messages sent after the funeral are printed and sent to the family via regular mail.

The embalming procedures used by priests back in 1342 B.C. allowed researchers to find viable DNA in 16 royal mummies, including King Tutankhamen, according to a study published yesterday in the Journal of the American Medical Association. With that DNA, scientists have determined that the pharaoh’s parents were siblings, it’s likely he married his sister and he fathered two stillborn babies. They also concluded that it was probably malaria, not murder, that killed him. Medical and radiological investigations reported that he had Plasmodium falciparum (the cause of the most severe form of malaria) along with a debilitating bone disorder, club foot, cleft palette and freshly broken leg.

While he ruled for just nine years, people have been fascinated with the former ruler after a 1922 discovery unearthed his now 3,000 year-old tomb. The tomb revealed that people from the 18th dynasty of the New Kingdom personalized burial rituals by incorporating interests and hobbies. Tut, who was 19 when he died, was buried with his board game called "Senet," his bronze trumpet, his model boat and much, much more.

While burying objects with their owners is not widely popular today, people do pay tribute by tailoring memorials to fit their loved ones.

* An avid Harley rider may have his or her bike brought into the visitation room with riding gear placed around it.
* For an environmentalist, a green burial may be arranged with a catered organic lunch to follow.
* At the service of a car collector, a favorite Corvette or Model A car may be parked at the funeral home entrance.
* For a book lover, a display of favorites may give a reception the feel of a cozy library.
* For the much admired cook, a favorite dish may be served at the visitation with the “secret” recipe handed out as a take-home memento.

To help families celebrate the life of their loved ones with customized services, Krause Funeral Homes funeral directors go beyond Wisconsin state requirements by attending life appreciation training. All of our burial and cremation packages include signature services like video slideshows, candle lighting ceremonies and environmentally safe balloon releases. And while we can't offer a gold gilded wood chariot, like the one King Tut was buried with, we do offer the choice of a traditional or motorcycle hearse. For more information on customizing memorials contact us.

Richard T. writes: “Today is ‘Fat Tuesday’ which reminded me to post a question about food. Is it disrespectful to eat and drink at a visitation or funeral?”

Not at all. Sharing a meal after the death of a friend or family member has been a tradition in many cultures for centuries. It makes sense; most family gatherings and traditions revolve around meals and for many food is comforting.

In past decades, most meals were shared after the official funeral rituals were over. But recently families have realized the value in serving food and beverages during visitations and funerals. These days people are busier than ever and they appreciate offers of refreshment and nourishment while they visit and pay tribute.

For instance, at Krause Funeral Homes we hear very positive feedback when families offer their guests wine, beer, soft drinks and substantial hors d’oeuvres at an early evening visitation. It allows people to stay and share stories without having to rush off to feed their families. We cater everything from wine and cheese samplings to multi-course, seated meals. Click here to learn more.

Regarding “Fat Tuesday,” it is the day before the Christian Ash Wednesday. It begins the 40 days of Lent, and is also called Mardi Gras, Shrove Tuesday and Pancake Day. According to Wikipedia, pancakes are associated with this day because they were cooked in a way to use up rich foodstuffs such as eggs, milk, and sugar, before the fasting season of Lent. For the record, Krause Funeral Homes can cater pancakes at a gathering too.

This year Scott T. made a New Year’s resolution to get organized. If something unforeseen happened, Scott isn’t certain his family would be able to find legal, financial or other important information. “A friend of mine unexpectedly died last year and I watched his family struggle to make decisions about funeral arrangements and spend hours trying to find the info they needed. I wouldn’t want my family to go through that–any advice?”

Scott, you bring up excellent points for joining the ranks of the 16.5 million people who will preplan their funerals this year. As another writer put it “no one is promised tomorrow.” According to 2000 U.S. Census data, people under 50 account for one fourth of all U.S. deaths. It also reports that deaths are more common than births: a baby is born every 12 seconds while a death occurs every 8 seconds.

When a death occurs, one of the best gifts you can give your family is peace–the knowledge that they have acted in accordance with your wishes. Preplanning also:

• eliminates the possibility that your family will debate, discuss and guess your wishes
• protects your family from the stress of hunting for important information and documents
• removes the possibility that grieving family members will feel the need to overspend

Below are tips from the experts to help you move forward.

Set a Timeframe

The best time to preplan is when you are healthy so that you can have time to reflect and decide what is best for you. Many find that setting a finished plan goal date works best.

Educate Yourself

There are over 100 detailed decisions a family needs to make upon the death of a loved one and a trusted professional can help streamline the process and answer questions. At Krause Funeral Homes, Preneed Specialists concentrate on listening and recording clients’ wishes. They are trained and licensed beyond the State’s licensing requirements and have helped more people organize their wishes than any other funeral home in Wisconsin. Christine Jacob, Krause’s Preneed Director, says “We find that it works best to meet face-to-face for about an hour and can arrange to meet in our office or any quiet place convenient for people. If that option isn’t available, we can set-up a phone conference or simply answer questions via email.” There is no charge for meeting with a Preneed Specialist.

Set Aside Introspective Time

For most, preplanning involves some easy-to-answer questions and some that need more thought.

Educate Your Loved Ones

Once your wishes are in writing you need to tell someone where they are. While you may have put directives in your will or a safe deposit box, often these are not opened or read until after a funeral. And unless someone has access to your computer passwords and knows which files to look for, a computer document may never be opened. A safe bet is to keep a copy of your wishes at the funeral home of your choice.

Related helpful advice can be found here:

• Talking to Your Adult Children About Your Funeral Wishes
• Talking to Your Parents about Putting a Plan In Place
• Talking to a Spouse Who Is Reluctant to Put a Plan In Place
• Prefunding a Funeral
• Why Preplanning Makes Sense

Don’t hesitate to contact us for further information.

Melanie L. asks "What is an appropriate size <flower> arrangement if the deceased is a relative of a friend of yours? Is it more appropriate to just send a note and a donation to the organization suggested?"

Sending flowers, plants, prayer cards or donations to charitable organizations (in lieu of flowers, the family may request monetary donations towards a charitable foundation) are all appropriate gestures whether the deceased is a relative or a friend. It is really a matter of personal choice. If you decide to send flowers there is no steadfast rule of thumb on the size of the flowers you should send; however, sending something unique or that will live beyond funeral services may help your message stand out.

Check out the Bright Tomorrows Azalea for under $50. Or the Vibrant Garden with plants that are purposefully hidden in separate containers so that each family member may take a piece home. The Heavenly Comfort remembrance wreath for about $100 is simple, elegant and unique.

For more unique and traditional flower ideas click here.

*For privacy reasons, we have changed the names of the people who have asked the question.

Dinny S.* writes “should you bring children to a wake or service?”

Today, experts agree that the healthiest approach is to include children in funeral rituals. Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a noted psychiatrist, says “if they are old enough to love, they are old enough to grieve.” While some want to protect children from the harsh reality of death, denying children an opportunity to be part of remembering and saying goodbye shuts them out of an event that can help them grow. A child’s fantasies about death and burial can also be dispelled by the reality of the funeral service which will help him or her develop a healthy and realistic attitude about death. How children grieve and participate in the rituals of your family will help determine how they will face future sorrows.

What to Expect
It will be important to explain your family’s rituals around death: who will be there, what they will be doing, where and when this will take place and how people might act or feel. Explain that they might see tears, straight faces and laughter. It may help to explain that a funeral is a time to:

• express sadness because someone has died
• honor the person who died and celebrate his or her life
• help comfort and support each other
• remember that life goes on

It would be helpful to describe how the room is set up and where the person who died will be—in a casket (open or closed) or cremated—and how that person will look (use of make-up) and feel (cold) if the child were to touch the person who died. Explain the purpose of each ritual.

There are certain terms like casket and visitation that you may want to explain to your children and older children may want to know what to say. Providing as much age-appropriate, factual information up front will help arm children with the understanding they’ll need to face the event that may be new to them. Avoid phrases like “sleeping,” “passed away” and “lost.”

To learn more about children and funerals click here.

Kelly M.* asked "How can I quickly and properly write a note of condolence to a friend?"

Here are a few tips that might help you when writing a note to someone who is grieving:

Acknowledge the Loss and Name the Deceased
“I was so saddened to hear that Tom died.”

Share a Favorite Memory
“He was such a great storyteller. I remember at last year’s summer party how he entertained all the kids with one of his crazy tales. He had their full attention and they laughed and giggled about the ending long after.”

Express Your Sympathy
Include in your letter a thoughtful word, a hope or a wish such as “Please accept my sympathy,” “You are in my thoughts,” or “Wishing you God’s peace.” Closings such as “sincerely” or “fondly” aren’t quite as personal.

Clearly Identify Yourself
Include your last name when signing your note, as there may be many with a similar first name. Offer how you knew the deceased if you do not know the family well or you haven’t been in contact for a while. “Sarah Jones (Tom & Judy Black’s daughter).” Provide a clearly written return address.

For additional tips on funeral etiquette click here.

Gifts have been opened, family gatherings are over, decorations are down—and so are you. Does this sound familiar? For many, there is a letdown after the holidays. And for those experiencing the recent loss of a loved one, post-holiday blues can be doubly hard. Chris W.* expressed concern about her friend whose husband died in 2009. "Today is really a new start for her. Up until this point she's been surrounded by family. How can I help as reality sets in?"

At Krause Funeral Homes we have spent 75 years helping families who have lost a loved one. Here are some ideas on how to help a grieving friend, family member or anyone experiencing post-holiday blues.

Suggest a Getaway
Whether it's across the country or across town, planning an outing puts something to look forward to on the calendar.

Worship Together
Many people find spiritual renewal through worship or meditation. Setting aside time for reflection may be just the help your friend or family member is looking for.

Get the Blood Flowing
Exercise is a proven mood elevator. Does your friend or loved one have a favorite sport you could play together? Is there a class through the YMCA or community organization he or she might enjoy? How about bowling or hitting some golf balls at an indoor dome? Or suggest the two of you take a walk through a favorite park, museum or mall.

Do Something For Someone Else
Using your skills to serve a noble purpose creates happiness according to Martin Seligman, one of the leading researchers in positive psychology and author of Authentic Happiness. Locating a volunteer opportunity you can do together might be the perfect spirit lifter. Or offer to help gather and donate items that are no longer used. It might feel great to de-clutter and give away the items that were replaced by recent gifts.

Stay Connected
Whether it is one of the above suggestions or a quick "I'm thinking about you" note, keeping in touch can be extremely helpful to someone experiencing a loss.

If it is you who is feeling a bit sad after the holidays, here are some additional ideas on what others have found helpful.

Read
Escape with a good book. List a few of your favorites to your local librarian and ask for suggestions. Or look up your favorite books on a website like amazon.com and scroll down to see “Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought” for ideas.

Write
Thank those who visited over the holidays or reconnect with old friends (websites like facebook.com may help). Or document your family history to share at a future holiday.

Engage
Get involved with an organization, hobby or job you believe in. Studies show that people who are communally involved experience positive emotions more frequently.

Listen
Find some new upbeat music or something funny to watch or listen to. Not only will laughter help improve your mood, but your own situation might not seem so bad.

Look ahead
Establish a routine and start planning future holidays and new traditions.

To learn more about what the experts say about grief, Nichole Schwerman, Bereavement Coordinator at Children's Hospital of Wisconsin, has put together a list of recommended books here.

Peter R.* asked about memorial ideas and cremated remains scattering. “Where can remains be scattered?”

As long as it is permitted by local regulations you can have a scattering memorial service or ceremony in any place that is meaningful to you or your loved one. Krause Funeral Homes has experience in helping facilitate scattering discussions with the proper authorities.

Many choose a traditional scattering where one or many release the cremated remains to the wind; however, there are endless ways to personalize a scattering ceremony. For some families the right choice is to scatter some of the remains and keep some remains in an urn or keepsake urn. A permanent plaque or other memorial noting the location of a scattering is another option.

It is important to discuss your wishes with family members and put specifics into writing.

Personalized Scattering Ideas

• Farewell Toast: Using special cups or glasses, cremated remains may be tossed simultaneously in a “toast” like gesture.

• Personalized Trench: Using a trowel or hoe, some choose to draw initials, a heart or a date into the Earth and fill with their loved one’s remains. It could be done on a beach, timed so that the remains slowly wash into the water as the tide rises.

• Circle of Life: Remains can be poured around a meaningful object like a tree or a group of candles. Loved ones may create a circle around the object and remains, sharing words of remembrance.

• Returning to the Earth: A rake may be used to ceremoniously mix the Earth with cremated remains. This is often how the remains are scattered in a memorial garden.

• Water Scattering: By using a water-soluble urn that gradually disperses the ashes back to the water or tossing cremated remains directly into the water a favorite lake or river could be a loved one’s final resting place.

• Aerial Scattering: Cremated remains may be professionally cast from a private plane over a specific location.

• Reef Construction: Cremated remains can be combined with concrete to create new marine habitats for fish and other forms of sea life.

• Artwork: Artists may combine cremated remains with oil paint and create a painting of choice, including portraits and landscapes.

• Fireworks: Professional pyrotechnicians have combined cremated remains with explosive materials and create a fireworks display in conjunction with a memorial service.

For more information contact us.

Tom F. asked questions about the Krause Funeral Home Motorcycle Hearse, “tell me about the Harley hearse–what type of bike is it and who uses it?”

It is a 19th century-style hearse drawn by a V-twin-powered 3-wheel Harley Davidson Road King motorcycle.

It is chosen by families interested in an original way to personalize a loved one’s final journey and by families of motorcycle enthusiasts. The first time it was driven was to a 97 year-old woman’s committal service. Families tell us they like that it creates a timeless memory and captures the nostalgia of a horse drawn carriage.

It has driven to Minnesota, Iowa, Illinois and Ohio for funerals and participated in Harley Davidson’s 105th Anniversary celebration. It also accompanies veterans in various Milwaukee parades to honor those who died while serving our country.

See the Krause Motorcycle Hearse on NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams or in Rick Romell’s Milwaukee Journal Sentinel article titled “Hearse Lets Harley Fans Have One Last Ride.”